Funeral in Hawai'i

I'm back in Honolulu for Sam's funeral. I'm struck by how lonely I am right now.  I also realized  that my ties here are dimming - I know fewer people now. For me it is the people that provide meaning and joy to a place. So I miss what was and naturally wonder at what shall be. 

It is late. 0120 for me but I do have some energy from being back to where I feel at home. One big change is I saw tents on main streets here with homeless people living right on the sidewalk. It's amazing. Not even in San Francisco would they allow that (Years later in reading this I bow to my own ignorance).

Just maybe I could come back. Or maybe at long last I realize I don't have to. Tough as it was being here with a divorce it was also some of the best years of my life. What was - cannot be again and really, I've never been one to live in the past. But this is true - the more past you have - the less future - so naturally it may hold sway. 

I grow tired and soon my thoughts turn nonsensical.