I hate trite but am guilty, guilty, guilty . . .
Aloha on a late night . . . tireness seeps through my bones and reflections resonate through my thoughts. My brother and wife have been together since they were 16 and now have a child. I was married once and even now I remembered that once I began desiring a child . . . that the full bright flame of that desire burned violently within me. Yet now, almost 15 years later, it still is there but also is the acceptance that I cannot have children of my own. There is some pain, burnished with great regret, sadness and love, empathy and desire.
There are far too many humans on this planet, I know this, yet my desire is not borne of logic or quantitative calculations of replacing the dead. My desire is from my heart, the same heart that loves my lovers 13 year daughter. Like my own daughter if I could have had one. My love for her is as unreasonable as a drowning man loving the rain, it exist without question, thought or desire, it is as immutable as the doppler red shift and the vibrating strings of the suspected twenty alternate possible dimensions.
Still, every time I see a baby my yearning washes over me in a cool and blistering tide. Each time I care for a child in the ER I think of my own selfish desires, if only for a brief moment.
This all brings new meaning to that idea of being grateful. I am, for so much of what I have and do not. I treasure my love for the people in my life, the women I have loved and love, the families who have taken me in on whatever continents shores I have washed upon. So be grateful, thank your god(s) for all that you have and do not have.
Wishing you health and happiness - whenever and wherever you are reading this.
Malama pono
David
