Isa lei na Kaivulag . . .

. . . gang member Linda, just before she was forcibly ejected from the
aircraft - for acting out! We let Matt stay on board the flight to
Nadi. Last we saw, Linda was sprawled on the runway, Fiji Bitter Beer
in hand, crying out, Fiji I love you Full Speed no Brakes!

Late, at Rex Horoi's house

. . . Drinking lots of great French and Australian wine on a warm
tropical night. As I mentioned before, Rex is the Solomon Islands
former Ambassador to the United Nations. He has to be one of the
friendliest, unassuming, artifice free and powerfully dynamic people I
have had the honor to meet. I hope to meet with him again.

Fiji Photos of the Loloma Foundation Medical Mission

Ni sa Bula Vinaka,

http://picasaweb.google.com/davidmccullough

Check this link for photos. I am uploading but the connection is very slow. I have not yet labeled or organized so for now you will have to guess at what you are seeing. Hope you all enjoy seeing them. As I can I will include more directly with the blog from my iphone. I cannot even connect at all with my Iphone here so ATT will have to help me with that as it is supposed to! Cheers for now my gang in America!

Thanks for reading,

David

Late Saturday Afternoon at the Internet Lounge

. . . in Suva, Fiji at the Tanoa House, a very luxurious hotel with a great restaurant with access at $11.00 Fijian an hour. A bit pricey in my book as I have so much data to upload but here I am, right now, in this world and not any other.

Went to Suva Market today, loaded up on almost two Kg's of kava, known locallly as yaqona. I bought waka, which means the root and is the strongest. We will make a sevusevu to the village chiefs up in the Yasawa Islands. Bought fruit, lots of it, coconut oil scented with makasoi that smells of heaven and love strewn beaches and those soft caressing hands, oops, I mean tropical breezes!

So at this moment I am in the kaivulagi world of high tech net connections and zinging data slinging itself around the globe to all of you. I'll post photos to a public Picasa Account and try to get them organized later, just want to upload to back them up in multiple areas. So I shall pen off here and get to work!

Moce and thank you for reading.

Ratu Te (as they sometimes call me here in jest of course!)

Saturday Off! Suva Market, Kava and this Blog at last.

Saturday, January 19, 2008 / 1100

Suva Motor Inn, Suva, Fiji

Finally a day of rest and time to accomplish some task heretofore neglected . . . like posting to this blog, hitting the Suva City Market, buy our sevusevu (the bundle of dried yaqona [kava] roots) which we use in our ritual greetings and asking if we can help the two villages we will visit in the Yasawa Islands located in the Northwest part of Fiji. They are some of the most beautiful islands in the world. If you google the Yasawa’s and use the Images tab you will find beautiful photographs. Once I return I hope to post some images on google earth using panoramio.com (spelling?) to tie the photo to the location of where we are at. We will be staying at the Navutu Stars resort at night which I hear is very nice. I actually hope to spend at least a few nights in the village like I used to in the past. There is nothing like being in the village – frankly, the westerner gets very spoiled because still, for the most part, you are an oddity. A foreigner is still an exception because I guess that most tourists are either uncomfortable or uneasy about staying in the village. Of course when most are paying a huge sum you wish to take advantage of every luxury. Staying in the village for me is a luxury in a sense but then again I feel at home there. Guess I am beating this to death but it is a reflection of my own attempts at sussing this issue out and coming to a more in depth understanding.

Later today we’ll visit friends at the Colonial War Memorial Hospital so I am very excited about that. We leave for the Yasawa Islands on Sunday but a hurricane is headed at us so the ferry crossing is delayed due to some very rough seas. Hopefully our medical mission will not turn into a full scale relief mission (I have not checked with Fiji weather today but the wind is up). After my return from the Yasawa’s I got the invite to go to the island of Beqa (just Southwest of Suva), the island of the firewalkers! There is a resort that Linda Kwasny (who started the Loloma Foundation) used to own. Instead of the $400 (US) a night I’ll pay $125 thereabouts which is basically the cost of food, boat transport and so on and so forth. It is supposed to be quite luxurious. I will work during part of the day seeing patients and play the rest on the reef. I am also excited about what kind of medical issues I will get to see.

My friend in Santa Rosa, California by the name of Sai is from Beqa, the village of Rukua. I brought his wife a package and she is going to arrange a night at Rukua Village for me so that is very, very nice. Found out Sai is actually a Ratu, or Chief so it is a huge honor for me to go to his village.

After a few days there I’ll return to Suva to see a few friends – Robin Taylor formerly of the University of the South Pacific, my ex in-laws (whom I will take a sevusevu today) and get ready to leave for the United States. Somehow, upon my return, I hope to take a trip outside of my area at least once a month . . . it is my hope that this will help me to not feel so restless all the time. I think that exposure to new places, even if familiar culture can do a lot to keep one stimulated / engaged – thus happier? We shall see.

I’ll pen off here as they say in Fiji and add to this later. Thanks for reading and moce mada!

David

Fiji Time, Shopping, Short Entry

Friday, January 18, 2008 (late entry on Jan 19)

Suva Motor Inn, Suva, Fiji

It is only a few days since we arrived in Fiji yet as usual it feels as though we have lived more in those few short days then months wherever we came from. After some discussion we all agreed that this is difficult if not impossible to explain to those who have not experienced it. None of us, least of all I, are naïve enough to think that this is always the case once you are living permanently in one place. The idea of having such ‘fullness’ is in part that is due to the unpredictable nature of life here in the sense that things may or may not work out as you intend them to. Then there is the infamous idea of ‘Fijian Time’ that is called the same thing in different locales the world over . . . the idea that things will happen when they happen and there is nothing that one can do (sometimes) to make it different or to happen when you wish it to.

We have unloaded two 40 foot containers and one 30 foot container of $2,000,000 (U.S.) of medical supplies, unpackaged most of it and repackaged it for redistribution to outer islands villages, health clinics, infirmaries and hospitals. We carried a bunch of anesthesia drugs to our dinner last night and gave them to the Chief Anesthesiologist of Colonial War Memorial Hospital (I hope to be adding photographs to these narratives at a later date!).

I’ll end this here as we have a chance to head into town and try to find a place to email this, pick up some cash and send photos. My aloha and Bula (the Fijian traditional greeting, much like aloha) and Vinaka (thanks) to all who may read this.

David (Tevita in Fijian).

Loloma Foundation Medical Mission, Day One

January 14, 2008 (Posting late due to access issues!)

Suva, Fiji

I am writing at the Suva Motor Inn which we arrived at in the last hour or so. While it is difficult to believe that I have been absent from this country for 12 years, much remains so hauntingly familiar. The moment that I exited the plane the sights, sounds and smells returned to me in a brilliant instant. I have had many of these returns, the memories more numerous each time as the years fall away. The moist air is so gentle, soft and caressing in the warm breezes that play across your skin. Yet in the next moment it can feel stifling, hot, humid and inescapable. I tend toward describing it in a positive vein even while I know it can be and is, uncomfortable. In the end however, I am here, now, in the moment and I am not anywhere else. So I work on the acceptance angle, not only with the weather but also with the acceptance of things I cannot change – like recalcitrant customs officials (more on this later!).

We in the West have sheltered ourselves from the immediacy of our environment so much. Yet none will quite complain quite so quickly as yours truly when the cold seeps and works its way to my bones! Much of this sheltering has been from simple necessity, the biological imperative to survive, to not freeze to death in the cold . . . so that life continues. But for much of the South Pacific the cold is not a life threatening event and when the temperature drops even a bit it is almost comical the amount of clothing that is donned. I remember that after a few years I became that way too. Even today, I feel as though I am extremely sensitive or reactive to cold in relation to others around me.

Before encamping at the Suva Motor Inn we stopped by Saint Vincent DePaul’s Catholic Charity (which does a tremendous amount of excellent work here and around the world). The customs officials had stopped by and have declared we cannot open the three containers (of 2 million dollars worth of medical supplies for distribution around Fiji) and must pay a customs duty based on the value of the goods. Well, you can imagine what this amount could add up to and that is prohibitive, unjust and outside the bounds of what many may consider common decency. In the morning we have to head down to Customs at the wharf to see what can be done about the situation. Evidently there is a new rule as of January 1, 2008 that this law is in effect.

This is one part of what I was trying to address above. It takes an extraordinary amount of patience and fortitude in dealing with this type of occurrence. Talk about trying one’s soul! Clearly someone is trying to benefit by ‘extorting’ money from the Loloma Foundation but all in the guise of the law. The de facto head of government is named Bainimarama. I am not sure what his titular name is, Prime Minister, Commander in Chief . . . because he is the head of the military and this is a military dictatorship no matter what dressing is put on by the ‘chef’. It is an extraordinarily complex web of affairs and history must be consulted in the analytical attempt at understanding this situation. That is beyond my scope here and certainly beyond most reader’s interest.

I have no internet access at this writing. I saw several internet cafés in Suva so I hope to be able to upload these blog entries and some photos of our adventures. The people of Fiji remain helpful and welcoming as ever – perhaps that explains the depth of my passion for the place and people even though it can drive me quite mad. For now though I go to take a cold shower, drink a cold beer and recover from an unplanned extended journey. Our flight from LAX was delayed seven and a half hours! There is another example of basically having all choices taken from you and being forced to accept the inevitable – excellent practice and reintroduction to the vicissitudes of travel (and being in the South Pacific!). Ah, if only I could share more of the sounds, sights, smells and feelings of this place I called home for two and a half years.

Thanks for reading – Aloha and Bula Vinaka to all.

David

Human forklift

Unloading two forty foot and one 30 foot containers of $2,000,000
worth of medical supplies. A good time had by all!

Suva Motor Inn

A great place to stay in Suva, Fiji.

Why I am here and love this region

I am sitting here at dinner with the former ambassador from the Solomon
Islands to the United Nations. Why leave this place?

Tackling issues of International development, issues of major impact
at the most basic level of human needs. This is our conversation and
one I do not wish to leave.

Vinaka,

David

www.davidmichaelmccullough.net
davidmccullough@gmail.com
001 707 758 3358

Off to fiji, 5 am and I . . .

am so happy to still be on the ground at LAX! Time to increase my
medication dose, Fiji time beckons. Mix the kava boys and let's fly
this beast!

Itinerary - in case someone loses it!

I may rent a phone in Fiji if not prohibitive. My US phone number will automatically be forwarded to my grandcentral.com phone number and I will be able to access the message via the web (when I get access that is!). My phone would end up costing US $3.50 a minute so I won't be using that except in an emergency.

Depart Santa Rosa, Saturday, January 12 @ 1525, Alaska Airlines (Horizon) 2469 to LAX
Arrive LAX @ 1659
Depart LAX to NADI, Fiji on Air Pacific 811 @ 2230
Arrive Nadi, Fiji at January 14 @ 0515
Depart Nadi on January 14, 0700 on Air Pacific 7
Arrive Nausori Airport @ 0730, rental car to Suva

Jan 12 – January 20
Suva Motor Inn
Phone 011 679 331 3973
Fax 011 679 330 0381

January 20 - Air Pacific 10 Nausori to Nadi 1030 to 1100
January 20 – 21 Nadi Hotel – still to be decided on as of January 9
January 21 – 27 Navutu Stars Resort, Yageta Island (Yasawa Group of Islands, North Western Fiji)
January 27 – February 4 - on my own.
February 4 – Air Pacific 5810 Nadi to LAX departs 2230
February 4 - Air Pacific 5810 arrives LAX at 1320
February 4 - Alaska Airlines 2470 (Horizon Air) departs LAX 1735, arrives Santa Rosa, 1915

Presenting ourselves Online - to be or not to be?

Aloha . . . I recently read an article about how people present themselves online and it brought to mind my own meager efforts at posting. I'll go back to what I said in the beginning, or at least, what I think I said or should have. I am amazed or surprised when someone actually reads this and makes a comment. I actually started this for myself though, to stay in touch with others, mainly known to me. It has put me in touch with old friends and that is a very unexpected and 'unlooked' for treasure. I am grateful for that.

So I try to be honest, to present myself in an unvarnished state for the most part. Being involved in some amount of soul searching these days forces one to examine one's life. I don't want to share the very private parts of my life - I am not sure they matter, nor that they should matter except to me and those who are close to me. Many of us in America live in a media saturated environment, ranted and railed at on all sides by minutiae of detail unwanted and reviled (at least by some of us!). Let us hear a plea for honesty, examination of one's life so that others may learn and either despair or regain hope for a better future for themselves and others. Sometimes we have so little to give, so work hard to give as much as you have and gain in the act of giving.

Now, I better figure out what I am going on about eh?

Leaving in four days for Fiji . . . .

David

Deep in Pluto Lava Tube near Mount Shasta, California

Aloha,

For some reason, I love to be underground. I would not call myself a
spelunker, at least yet. This was taken September of 2007 in Pluto
Lava Tube near Mount Shasta. I was fairly well equipped, overly so
because I am such a neophyte in some waysg but at least I was safe. I
violated a basic rule - never go alone! But as these things go I was
ok, someone waiting for me at the mouth and a fuctioning cell phone
and my fire radio as a backup. Plenty of clothing, food and water for
two days. The cave end was only about two hours back but a fast two
hours back with a lot of scrambling and crawling at times. I hope to
do more. It was so cool! In every way. I felt more alive during it
and afterwards. Thanks for reading,

David

International Medical Corps

Aloha - I touched up my resume with the International Medical Corps last week and just now spoke with someone from Human Resources at their offices in Santa Monica, California. I may have to do a volunteer assignment before I am eligible for a longer term paid assignment. I am willing to do so and made this very clear in my conversation with them. They also suggested contacting other international humanitarian organizations (which I have done) and attempt to gain some experience through that avenue.

This is the classic challenge of needing experience in the field prior to getting into the field you wish entrance to! Agencies want reliability, talent, dependability and assurance that their investment in you will pay off, in short that you will not leave and can handle the stresses inherent to service in the field, be it in a conflict zone or not. I understand this but of course it is frustrating too.

My winter light is fading and rain is coming. Off I go to stack wood, mow lawns and enjoy the waning daylight. My thanks to the opportunities provided my IMC and the people that staff organizations like them.

Thanks for reading, malama pono,

David

New Year Ride

Annandale Park, Santa Rosa, California. Happy New Year and good luck.

Liberal or not too liberal?

Aloha . . . I forget the quote and will look it up but it was perhaps by Churchill (?) who said something about as you get older you get more conservative. I used to think I was very liberal. In comparison to my Aunt Karen in Houston, Texas I am. Compared to many people I am conservative. I think we need a sliding scale. Is it liberal to advocate for universal health insurance?

But I must face facts - I am not as liberal as I think I am or would like to be! I try to be critical in my thinking and of precise nomenclature when I speak. I attempt to be intellectually rigorous in my examination of public policy and other endeavors. I fail a lot and tend to be reactionary, my passions inflame me.

Anyone have leads on websites where you can search for quotes like the one I am thinking of?

Thanks for reading,

D.

Staying in Touch - GrandCentral.com

Aloha . . . in the interest of staying in touch . . . while in Fiji I will have my mobile with me but the roaming charges are $3.49 a minute since ATT has no real agreement with Vodaphone. Data roaming is cheaper.

Note the GrandCentral.com button off to the right. Hit that button and it will connect you with my GrandCentral voice mail and allows you to leave a message. You can also set it to automatically forward the call to any phone anywhere. I used the button and it works well thus far.

I joined GrandCentral.com years ago before it was acquired by Google since I thought it was a great idea - especially since in those days you were not allowed to keep your mobile number if you changed companies. I have a permanent number through GrandCentral that I do not really use that much . . . till now I guess! The beauty of this is that I can forward all calls from my mobile to my GrandCentral number automatically. GrandCentral then saves the message as an email to me and I play it over the net when I get access, either through my mobile or laptop.

I wait for the day when I can use Skype from any phone anywhere. While I was aware of GrandCentral I want to acknowledge and thank David Pogue of the New York Times for prompting my memory on how useful the voicemail to email option is.

So while I am working in Fiji I will not have to pay ridiculous charges for my mobile service and still be able to pick up my voice mail from ATT via the web.

Thanks for reading and if you do call, thanks!

D.

David McCullough

Applications going out!

Aloha - I applied or rather, reapplied to the International Medical Corps tonight. Although I leave for Fiji for three weeks on January 12 I made myself available to IMC by March 1. I will follow up with a phone call tomorrow.

The weather in Sebastopol, California is cold, wet and dreary . . . a bit tiring to be sure. Tomorrow I plan to drive up the the coast and stay at my family place to do some mountain biking - either that or begin getting my things together for my trip to Fiji. I won't take many clothes but do have to take a number of gifts.

I don't know what to expect except that it is wise not to expect anything. Talked with an old friend last night who was recently in Samoa for the first time in years. Most of the people she knew are gone but out of the ones left, many are alcoholics or have serious problems. I know the type and as Judy said to me, many people who come to the South Pacific are running away from something or trying to find something they will never find. I saw that in Fiji, Cook Islands, Papua New Guinea and so forth. There is some of that in me.

Finally though, I am going to do something against Bush, against the wanton specter of madness and destruction that Americans are pursuing under his leadership. No, I am not so hellishly innocent that I think this will change under a new administration but it is my hope that we will be doing less harm. Nor do I proclaim my innocence in the scheme of things.

Thanks for reading.

David

Leaving for Fiji January 12, 2008

Bula Vinaka,

I am leaving for Fiji on a medical mission for three weeks from January 12 to February 4, 2008. It has been eleven years since I have been in Fiji. The last time I left the United States was in 2003 when I was on a medical trip to Mexico . . . which I absolutely loved. In the future I am not sure that I can stay away from being overseas for so long. Many say we are lucky to live here and in some ways I can understand and in some ways agree. Yet I look at how much we consume in America - as living proof I am going to take my ipod and my computer so I can blog, check email, post photos of my trip and so on and so forth. Mainly for me I think as I am not sure how many people I know will care enough to read my ramblings.

Work at Sutter continues to be problematic in the sense that Corporate either does not know or refuses to tell our hospital if it will stay open or not. So the employees and community live in a constant state of uncertainty and hence concern about if they will continue to be able to pay their mortgage or rent and if medical care will be available for the community (in a timely manner!).

Late here and I work tomorrow for another 13 hour shift. Thanks for reading.

David

Updates

I finally cleared up the domain mix up but got no help from blogger staff at all even after three emails vis a vis their payment systems. I searched for a long time for a direct link to send an email directly to them and never found one. Frustrating to say the least. I finally just went through the process again and it obviously worked.

I continue to make loans on www.kiva.org and repayments continue to roll back in so far. I have about six loans out now and all for various small amounts from $25 - $100. I leave for Fiji on a medical mission with wwww.lolomafoundation.org January 12 - February 4 and hope to see if their are any projects/groups in Fiji that Kiva can become involved with.

My frustration with hospital nursing continues so I am am going to start a slow search for medical work that can combine my medical experience with my Masters in Community Psychology. Ideally I would like to live here (in the United States) part time and spend the rest of my time working overseas. I am thinking about the Gates Foundation Malarial program and things like that.

I think of my friends in Iceland (who work with the State Department), my friends in Australia, Fiji, Germany and so forth. I miss them all.

Thanks for reading . . . .

David

Domain name Changes

Aloha - I am trying to change my URL to davidmichaelmccullough.net but had some expired card problems with my billing. Hence I am stuck in limbo at the moment and cannot access my blog to read it. I am waiting for the staff at Blogger to email me a fix!

Taking action

So it is not Burma/Myanmar I know. I joined up with www.lolomafoundation.org and am going to Fiji to do volunteer medical work January 12 - 27, 2008. My overall goal is to make this type of work my main job and not have to simply stay in one place in Santa Rosa, California at Sutter Hospital taking care of alcoholics and drug addicted people. Detect a note of burned out cynicism - well there you have it.

I do know some people that will go to a border rufugee camp in June of 2009. I plan on going.

If I can do this type of work - just maybe I won't go insane!

Check out the loloma foundation.

Mahalo and Vinaka . . . .

David

Conscience

I wrote the following in response to an email from someone urging me to sign a petition online for Moveon.org about the crisis in Myanmar.

My reservations regarding the lack of response (in Myanmar, Iraq, Somalia, Bosnia, Vietnam, Turkey, Cambodia, Chile, you name the country and century) by the rest of world lies in my own sense of frustration and anger, but especially my OWN inaction and perceived lack of power (or inability) to truly 'make a difference'.

It is all VERY easy to sign petitions, wave signs, be offended and yes, even shed a few tears. It is easy to rage (as I often do), to shout in frustration, to join campaigns . . . but yet as Shakespeare put it . . . 'full of sound and fury, yet signifying nothing'. We (not just you and I), all of us, salve or attempt to salve our conscience by outward signs and displays of caring and indignation.

It is VERY easy to placard the back of one's car with the signs and exhortations of an outraged majority lulled into somnolence by their satiated lifestyles. To delve (and delve deeply) into those issues seems to be too difficult, too time consuming, too hard to accomplish while I am sucking down another latte while I write this.

The simple fact is however that most of the people (me) continue to live their wasteful lives, unencumbered by any discomfort of any kind in the richest nation in the world. They don't suffer for the most part except for the supposed pangs of their conscience while they complain loudly about the state of 'state'.

What shames me the most? I am one of them at this point. Maybe I always have been. So I get angry, at myself, at America, at the supposed liberals who have no challenges in their lives except to worry how much retirement they have built up. It is easy to be liberal when you are not hungry, not thirsty, have shelter and health care.

No, I don't think people have to suffer to learn humility, to assist others (but it sure might make the world a better place and provide much needed perspective). It would help if people gave things up, if they would donate significant amounts of money, if they would simply volunteer time in their community or especially abroad.

We live such insanely comfortable lives and I am so uncomfortable in this.

People give up part of their lives to provide aide and comfort to others. Why don't more of us do so? We should. Or rather . . . I should.

Am I saying we should not be outraged? No. Should we not rant and rave? No. Should we not plaster our cars and hearts with placards protesting the injustices of the world? No. Should we sign petitions? Yes. Contribute, sign, talk, study.

Most of all though we should take action. We should get out of our comfortable lives. We should give up some things. We should travel and live outside of America, outside of wherever, outside our zone of comfort. We should shut up and do, stop talking about outrage but DO something outrageous about outrage. We should stop indulging ourselves in flapping our gums about those "poor people in XXXX country" when we are not prepared to really do anything except sign a petition in 30 seconds (I just signed it myself . . . but do I feel better?).

I know that for you (and maybe others) I am preaching to the choir. But in the end (whatever that may mean) it will only matter if you or I or anyone takes concrete action. Nothing else matters, especially these words that I write, here and now.

If you have even read this far . . . my thanks.

Talking with Governor Schwarzenegger and . . .

I wrote Governor Schwarzenegger and his staff this morning . . . .

It was front page on the New York Times today that California Governor Schwarzenegger is proposing health care reform. Most of us in the business are cynical about the prospects of serious or 'true' reform until the rich start to suffer and die from a deteriorating health care system. Money helps to insulate you from suffering - at least for most people and for awhile. I am not rich but consider myself insulated only because I am a nurse and have health care (only when working).

However this front page news coincided so well that the hospital I work with announced that after 130 years it is closing down by the end of the year. It contracts with the county so that at least 25% of it's business goes to serve the indigent (those poor enough to need the help of others). Of course the hospital loses money and reimbursement is too low to help.

I faxed the governor's office suggesting they somehow capitalize on my communities bad news to drum up support in the legislature to pass health care reform. Doing away with the insurance companies would be a good start, sack them all, cut their pay and let them work with the indigent for awhile to learn and empathize.

Do I expect an answer? No. Do I expect real reform? No. Do I expect to suffer? No. Will others suffer and die from this hospital closing and our inability to act . . . hell yes. I don't know what else to do other than write and offer my help. Write me if you hear of anything good. Till then I am throwing my support toward this plan and against the insurance companies.

Thanks for reading,

David

Dying Days of Rage

I will rage against my dying day,
till the day I can rage no more.
Tis the day I will die I think . . .
the day that rage will live no more.

It is youth that does not know the anguish of growing old
when bones and flesh weaken your resolve.
It only thinks of youthful pleasures,
with no cares for tomorrow.

I hope to accept my death so gracefully,
to welcome it with a lovers embrace, no less.
The pain of unrequited anguish and loss,
will hold no sway nor dominion over me.

It is compassion that will triumph (that is my hope),
I shall save the rage for when it is needed most.
Tis the least of burden's borne,
but when embraced too much . . .
is the heaviest upon one's heart.

David McCullough

Copyright January 7, 2007

I wrote the above late last night or in the wee hours of the morning . . . call it what you may. Many of my patients are older and dealing with the issues of failing bodies and a life that is shorter than longer. So this came to me, as poems often do, seemingly out of nowhere. However, I know that is not true. I am enraged myself at the injustices we all face, not only of growing older but so much else I have written about in the past. I am torn, struggling to accept what cannot be changed versus all the things that should be changed. The old adage of change beginning with yourself is an apt one in this instance. I won't say more here about that in this moment. I get frustrated with myself so much! Lots of talk, no action . . . and I despise that in myself. So many of us know what is right, all the 'shoulds'. I will take action, in some way, somehow, not only for myself but in hope of benefiting others at the same time.

Thanks for reading, be it even one.

David

Israeli Cluster Bombs, Thanks to the United States

I am proud to be an American because we make the most sophisticated weapons in the world and use them to spread Peace, Freedom and Democracy around the world. I am especially proud that we sold them to Israel for use in Lebanon because it is obvious to me how useful they are for densely populated urban areas. If you kill the children who don't recognize bomblets and use them as toys, then you kill off future enemies. Brilliant logic.

To think that my dream as a youth was to live on a Kibbutz for a few years. I am not even Jewish but I read a biography of Golda Meier as a child and greatly admired her and the story of the Jewish State. I suuport thier right to exist as a Nation but I also support the Palestinian right to a nation. I do not support the Israeli invasion of Lebanon.

What prompts this post? The New York Times article a few days ago that mentioned the cluster bombs and todays news that the United States in investigaing the alleged 'improper' use of the cluster munitions. What a joke, what a huge, giant joke on Israel and the United States. What the hell will the Israeli's do? Take care of the families they have killed? Provide medical care and plastic surgery? Actually APOLOGIZE for turning into terrorist themselves? Who will investigate the investigators? Who will watch the watchers? Most of all, who will protect the innocents?

Before I am assasinated by supporters of Israel let me rush to say that I know and empathize of many dissenters witin the ranks of the army and the civilian population. To the rest of Israel please look into the mirror to see what you are doing and have become. Please resist the influence of the United States although I recognize the close ties and financial support we provide. But who the hell are we to tell Israel what to do? I guess we do it to everyone else on the planet so why not Israel yes?

Why don't we stop making cluster munitions . . . but for a society based on profit and capitalism that would be anathema. Nothing like spreading Peace, Freedom and Democracy around the planet is there people. I am ashamed to be an American, ashamed of Israel, ashamed of Hezbollah (what idiots to kidnap two soldiers . . . an act without honor, meaning or utility!). Time to fire and retire the genius who ordered that peculiar debacle. For that Israel bombs Lebanon to the tune of three billion dollars of damage. Of course the United States will not lift a hand to assist - I'll bet on that.

Hey, anyone think this may interfere with my chances of being hired by the Department of State? Ha. So if you read this far thank you. I feel useless because all I can do is write and work and speak out. Would it be more useful to go over and work as a nurse? I don't know. Maybe someone in the world has a suggestion, an idea, some faint bit of hope they can offer not only to me but to the people who are suffering.

Thank you for reading.

David

A Measure of Humility . . . .

The last anonymous comment referenced feeling guilty for wanting. So let me correct and clarify that what I meant to say was that I had not been found lacking in humanity. Then I will quickly correct my statement to be more accurate and admit that many times I have acted in a prejudicial manner unbecoming the ideals I strive for. I'll continue to fail of course but my successes will hopefully outweigh my failures. It all depends on who judges, who bears the final responsibility for looking into our souls. So I hope this communicates my original intent. It sure sounded good when I read it at first and then to obviously fail so badly! Ha, THAT brings a measure of humility at least does it not?

I will admit to great wants. I see nothing wrong with that - we are human and as such are are subject to biologically determinants. We want safety, companionship, sex, food, things and so forth. I want so much at times yet when we lead a well examined life - what real needs exist? Most of mine are filled. Yet I still want, sometimes unreasonably at that. In retrospect my last post seems a bit trite and seemingly attempts to elevate myself above others by saying I have not been found wanting. Yet by saying that, I disprove myself. Ah, the luxury of words!

With that I will conclude for my next rant and rave about our poor excuse for a government.

Thanks for reading.

David

Trying to find meaning . . . .

. . . is a difficult task when our own lives are sometimes lived in such narrow pursuit of individual goals. For me it means to work three days a week in Pediatrics (which I love) and to pursue my goal of becoming a nurse practitioner through University of California at Davis Medical Center in Sacramento. Toward that goal I also have to work two days a week with a Doctor and attempt to keep up with the associated homework and reading endemic to the program.

Meanwhile, many people do not have clean drinking water or enough food. They subsist on less than two dollars a day (I often spend that much on coffee in a day) and millions are dying from AIDS and neglect of the so called 'first world' countries like the one I live in (the disUnited States).

Guess I will just have to leave much of the year and work in places that don't have the help they need. I am sick of supporting killing with my tax dollars paying for weapons in Iraq and to give to the Israeli's to kill innocents in Lebanon. Do I think Iran should not do the same? Hell yes.

So I sit here in forced solitude in a library at an institute of higher learning at last and at least learning solid, reputable and useful skills that will truly benefit people. I choose to do so regardless of religion, race, ethncity or anything that confounds the freedom of someone in need. I have my prejudices people, let us just see if I alone can overcome them in my darkest hours when systems and the laws of man are utterly failing. Only then can the true measure of a man or woman be taken. I pray that I will not be found wanting. As of yet, I have not.