Trying to find meaning . . . .

. . . is a difficult task when our own lives are sometimes lived in such narrow pursuit of individual goals. For me it means to work three days a week in Pediatrics (which I love) and to pursue my goal of becoming a nurse practitioner through University of California at Davis Medical Center in Sacramento. Toward that goal I also have to work two days a week with a Doctor and attempt to keep up with the associated homework and reading endemic to the program.

Meanwhile, many people do not have clean drinking water or enough food. They subsist on less than two dollars a day (I often spend that much on coffee in a day) and millions are dying from AIDS and neglect of the so called 'first world' countries like the one I live in (the disUnited States).

Guess I will just have to leave much of the year and work in places that don't have the help they need. I am sick of supporting killing with my tax dollars paying for weapons in Iraq and to give to the Israeli's to kill innocents in Lebanon. Do I think Iran should not do the same? Hell yes.

So I sit here in forced solitude in a library at an institute of higher learning at last and at least learning solid, reputable and useful skills that will truly benefit people. I choose to do so regardless of religion, race, ethncity or anything that confounds the freedom of someone in need. I have my prejudices people, let us just see if I alone can overcome them in my darkest hours when systems and the laws of man are utterly failing. Only then can the true measure of a man or woman be taken. I pray that I will not be found wanting. As of yet, I have not.