For the moment I am still living in Sebastopol, California in the United States of America. That said . . . I have always had a restless heart and wandering wondering soul. That is wehat I call a rich persons problem, understand? Most of us in the world do not have that luxury - their day taken up by an incredible and unrelenting struggle to survive. There is no luxury of thought or philosophy - just the struggle.
I am still working as an RN case manager for the Advanced Illness Management program for Sutter Care at Home part of the incredibly huge and supposedly 'Non Profit' health care system. I love the job in some ways, I love the patients who all have a life expectancy of 12-18 months. I hate the miles I am putting in, I am polluting our air sometimes driving a 125 miles in a day and an average of 100. That is at least three hours in the car a day. Would that be good for any of us? I know not.
So without going into details I know that in the long run this job is not for me. My legacy of patient care is good - I lessen suffering, relieve pain, make people laugh in the most dire of circumstance. I am fulfilled in this way. Yet lurking there, somewhere in the background of heart and mind is a lingering satisfaction and disatisfaction and wondering of what else is there to be lived? And where? And how?
I believe that these are universal questions that we all want, sometimes knowingly, sometimes it may be just a vague unknowing discontent. Similar to that idea of damn it, what the hell is going on here? Why am I here? What IS it all about Alfie (one of my favorite songs so bittersweet in its melancholia)?
Viktor Frankl wrote about this in his seminal work,
Man's Search for Meaning (http://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1431051937&sr=8-1&keywords=victor+frankel). For me the take away was that people search for meaning in purpose, that we need both and they are inseparable. We find our purpose in what has meaning to us. Without either we drift in incomprehension and more of a meaningless existence unremarkable in it's ordinariness. While occasional flashes of meaning and enlightenment may occur, in large part, we tend to live our lives punctuated by the sadness of living a life without purpose. Hence, society, the marketers, the Ad Men and corporations step in to fill the void filling our hearts with the promise of temporary fulfilling desire.
So I have purpose and meaning. Yet I feel I am stuck in some ways in my daily ordinariness. I am so rich by some standards yet I am guilty of that too . . . I consume too much, live in too large a house, get caught up in snagging the latest Iphone or hooking up with a fantastic audiophile system that makes me cry the music coming out of it is so beautiful and soul shaking. I live for those moments.
Yet other moments exist too . . . the simple human experience of shared lives and moments and destinies. I am not quite sure where I am going with this so bear with me a moment . . . think back to your past and what moments meant the most to you, what memories carry the greatest emotional resonance? I submit that lives led in quiet desperation occur everywhere across this planet and that desperation takes differing forms.
I submit to you that we have a duty, nay even more than that, we have moral obligation to find our purpose, our meaning in life. And no, tis not to shop my sweet. We have a duty and moral obligation to make the world a better place, to improve it for others and not just ourselves. We must look beyond our own shallowness and selfish desires as much and as often as we can. This remains a challenge - at least to most of us.
For me it could mean simply downsizing and using less in every way possible. Riding my beloved bicycles more (note the plural use there people?!). For me it would mean traveling more and I do not mean booking a stay in the Hilton while the poor people scrabble for food out of my trash cans and wasted food thrown out of the fat people. Yeah, just a tinge of bitterness there my sweets, just a tinge.
Things are a brewing inside my pea brain. Ready for a change, anxious to move on see the world be of service to more people. I am raging hungry for change and challenge, to race across the plains of this planet like a mad dog howling barking at mother moon crying out of justice and love, majesty and forgiveness, for political justice and righteousness, to crush the invaders and haters under the boot heels of loving kindness and meet them with a steely heart and endless resolve.
There will be more of this later. The only thing that remains is to take the action behind all the blah, blah, blah and more blah.
Thanks for reading. What will you do? What is your purpose and meaning? Don't cop out. Put it on the line and live it. I'm trying. I invite you, all of you.
David
