Aloha and our third day back. Worked a 3:30-1 am shift last night so I am really very tired right now. Writing this entry from my family ranch on the 'Ridge'. Back to work Monday to Friday after tomorrow Another positive thing about Tripler Army Hospital in Honolulu . . . they have 12 hour shifts so you only work seven days out of 14 days! Yeah baby, I like, I like.
Caught up with John and Peni Gibbs in Kaneohe and it was so wonderful to see them. While I have many friends here in Californial, I realized this trip that I have many more friends in Hawai'i that I just don't see enough of - more then I do here.
At any rate it is late - interview at Tripler went so well, my hopes are up and time will tell. More on Hawaii later!
D
27.8.11
24.8.11
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| Lanikai Beach with Jack Attack Dog entering from Left. I spent many happy hours near this beach in the 90's. Had relatives who owned a house in Lanikai from the 1930's on. Not sure when they left - out of touch with them now. Welden McCullough use to manage a Bank - Bank of Hawaii? and whose family was held hostage at some point. He was a half brother to my Dad I think. |
21.8.11
Aloha and I have been back in Hawai'i for a week now on Kauai and fly to Oahu tomorrow night for about four days. The one thing that is crystal clear to me and is completely resolved in my head is that I am not going to stay in California. I want to return to Hawai'i and in fact did interview for a position on Kauai - informally - but I did talk with some people. I interview at Tripler Army Hospital on this coming Tuesday.
I love my job, love the crew I work with at the San Francisco VA but even they know of my love for the Pacific. I feel at home here, relaxed and a feeling of belonging. While it is not my home I know I can make it my home. So many changes.
The one year anniversary of my mother's death is tomorrow. I plan on renting a longboard and paddling out to the middle of Hanalei Bay with a lei, say a few words in her memory. Something like this: Aloha Kakau, Bula Vinaka mom. I am here to remember your loving spirit and pay homage to the sacrifices and struggles that you endured in your life. To remember the sense of enthusiasm and fun you carried with you almost everywhere you went. I remember the night we spent on the fresh lava beds of Kiluea Volcano on the Big Island of Hawai'i, how late it was and how tired we all were . . . yet you shouldered the burden so well and carried on without complaining. We both knew we had been present at creation and I know how moved you were and excited you were.
Mom - I know we had our differences, disagreements and harsh words. Yet we forgave each other and in the end all was forgiven as you lay dying so well. I felt so sad and I am now moving on, letting that sadness go free and moving on with my life in so many positive ways. I do want to say I am sorry if I failed you in the end with the pain and suffering that you endured - we did our best mom but remain haunted by the possibility that I could have done better or improved in my care of you somehow. I think of that often and it is my greatest wish that you did not suffer. This may be a reflection of my career as an ER nurse and my own deeply personal convictions - but in the same breath I know that to live is to suffer and that it goes hand in hand with joy and life. I apologize if I failed you in any way or if I hurt you.
May the spirit and love that led you to love Hawaii and Fiji and their people bless and honor you my mother. I thank you for giving me life, teaching me how to be a good person and contribute to the world and its people. I thank you also for teaching me how Not to be at times by the virtue of your own attempts and failings at living a good life. May your spirit find comfort and peace, may you exalt in the end of your suffering and in your accomplishments in your brief sojourn on this planet. We will always love you and our father. I will always try to live a good life, to contribute, to do good, to lessen suffering, to teach and learn, to consume less and want less. You and father taught me these things - I do not know how but it is who I am and I know that you were proud of me and worked hard to let me know that. My heart enfolds your spirit my mother, may you be happy and satisfied where ever your spirit is, may you find peace and reward. I miss your presence and I send you my heartfelt love. David
The one year anniversary of my mother's death is tomorrow. I plan on renting a longboard and paddling out to the middle of Hanalei Bay with a lei, say a few words in her memory. Something like this: Aloha Kakau, Bula Vinaka mom. I am here to remember your loving spirit and pay homage to the sacrifices and struggles that you endured in your life. To remember the sense of enthusiasm and fun you carried with you almost everywhere you went. I remember the night we spent on the fresh lava beds of Kiluea Volcano on the Big Island of Hawai'i, how late it was and how tired we all were . . . yet you shouldered the burden so well and carried on without complaining. We both knew we had been present at creation and I know how moved you were and excited you were.
Mom - I know we had our differences, disagreements and harsh words. Yet we forgave each other and in the end all was forgiven as you lay dying so well. I felt so sad and I am now moving on, letting that sadness go free and moving on with my life in so many positive ways. I do want to say I am sorry if I failed you in the end with the pain and suffering that you endured - we did our best mom but remain haunted by the possibility that I could have done better or improved in my care of you somehow. I think of that often and it is my greatest wish that you did not suffer. This may be a reflection of my career as an ER nurse and my own deeply personal convictions - but in the same breath I know that to live is to suffer and that it goes hand in hand with joy and life. I apologize if I failed you in any way or if I hurt you.
May the spirit and love that led you to love Hawaii and Fiji and their people bless and honor you my mother. I thank you for giving me life, teaching me how to be a good person and contribute to the world and its people. I thank you also for teaching me how Not to be at times by the virtue of your own attempts and failings at living a good life. May your spirit find comfort and peace, may you exalt in the end of your suffering and in your accomplishments in your brief sojourn on this planet. We will always love you and our father. I will always try to live a good life, to contribute, to do good, to lessen suffering, to teach and learn, to consume less and want less. You and father taught me these things - I do not know how but it is who I am and I know that you were proud of me and worked hard to let me know that. My heart enfolds your spirit my mother, may you be happy and satisfied where ever your spirit is, may you find peace and reward. I miss your presence and I send you my heartfelt love. David
14.8.11
Aloha and on the way to Kauai or as it was known c T'auai and with it's own unique dialect that may be lost as so many indigenous languages have throughout time. The last time I went 'home' I broke down and just wept in Honolulu. Just to feel that I was home at last even though the islands will never be home for anyone who is not Hawaiian - alluding to the fact that we have stolen the land from them while many live in poor conditions but full of pride and power. I am just a guest, a tourist. Still, I was welcomed and those with an open heart and a learning mind do better than many.
So I settle in for my flight with my New York Times, coffee, iPhone, laptop, all the modern accoutrements!
Aloha
11.8.11
Rain, gently falling
bamboo whispers,
granite glistens.
Rain drops.
Earth recieves.
intimations of morality echoing,
surround me.
raindrops drench
upturned face . . . eyes . . . lips
full of grace
grey clouds beckon,
hearts home,
while spirit roams.
fuschia dawn opens
jade mountain
azure sea.
I wrote this in 2000 while in San Francisco after being wrenched out of the islands by my fathers death.
bamboo whispers,
granite glistens.
Rain drops.
Earth recieves.
intimations of morality echoing,
surround me.
raindrops drench
upturned face . . . eyes . . . lips
full of grace
grey clouds beckon,
hearts home,
while spirit roams.
fuschia dawn opens
jade mountain
azure sea.
I wrote this in 2000 while in San Francisco after being wrenched out of the islands by my fathers death.
10.8.11
Aloha and Bula - I am looking forward to our upcoming trip to Kauai and then Oahu from August 14-25. I have not been back for a few years now and I find my heart yearning for the people and places dear to my heart. I don't know many people on Kauai and the last time I was there was over 15 years ago when I was working for Healthy Families Hawai'i (aka Healthy Start). Beautiful place, wonderful people and feels like home in some ways.
I just bought some leis from Cindi's Lei's in Honolulu and they are shipping them over for a Friday arrival. Great Service and wonderful people. I highly recommend them to anyone.
I have read a lot of books this last week. The Help is a great book and I hear is being released in the movie theaters tonight. I am now reading The Magician King by Lev Grossman and I read the first book of this series or trilogy - whatever it may be. Freakonomics by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner is next. All this in combination with my daily New York Times, The Atlantic Monthly, Harpers and Cooks Illustrated. Just a few of my favorite things that I love to read.
I'll post fotos as I move through Hawai'i. On Oahu it will be a wonderful reunion. I will be interviewing (I hope) at Tripler and other local hospitals. Enough for now, long day at work but much is accomplished.
Aloha,
Kawika
I just bought some leis from Cindi's Lei's in Honolulu and they are shipping them over for a Friday arrival. Great Service and wonderful people. I highly recommend them to anyone.
I have read a lot of books this last week. The Help is a great book and I hear is being released in the movie theaters tonight. I am now reading The Magician King by Lev Grossman and I read the first book of this series or trilogy - whatever it may be. Freakonomics by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner is next. All this in combination with my daily New York Times, The Atlantic Monthly, Harpers and Cooks Illustrated. Just a few of my favorite things that I love to read.
I'll post fotos as I move through Hawai'i. On Oahu it will be a wonderful reunion. I will be interviewing (I hope) at Tripler and other local hospitals. Enough for now, long day at work but much is accomplished.
Aloha,
Kawika
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