I am finishing my student nursing in the next few weeks. I was accused of being a politician by one of the nurses last night (in a friendly manner) after I told a patient's son that "I really love my patients". Names, genders and identifying information have been changed to protect privacy of those involved.
Of course, I did not mean this in the Greek sense of Eros (romantic love) but rather that of agape . . . brotherly love. I have been working in an Emergency Department (as an ED Technician) for over three years now. I have had many patients that I could not stand and that I did not love in any sense of the word. The patient I was working with this evening was literally a little old lady originally from Germany. I grew up for three years in Germany from 1965 - 1968 as an U.S. Air Force 'Brat'. I related to and felt empathy for this woman who has lost a husband, daughter and son in the last 5-10 years and is facing end of life issues.
Her son came out of the room and effusively thanked me. I replied by saying that it was part of my job, it is who I am, what I do and that I really 'love my patients'. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I empathize, that I care and that I love my job, the people I work with and that I was born to do this work. Often, I am so immensely grateful for this opportunity that I can scarce believe that at last I have found this much meaning.
At the same time, I am not so innocent and optimistic that I can believe we can save the world or every one of our patients. I love the cynicism and dark humour that allows us to survive and get through our days. I have patients that have taught me so much and others that I can hardly wait to get away from. I still endeavor to remember them as human beings, damaged or not and to treat them with respect and decency.
Of special note is that the nurse who gave me a hard time is one that I have much respect for and admire her attitude toward her patients. While she was joking with me about being a politician, I did wonder if I came across as being fake. It is so unfortunate that calling someone a politician is a slur. I believe that it should be otherwise . . . but that is a subject for another time. I have seen this nurse make patients melt with what she has done and said for them. I have seen her go the extra mile and be a very strong advocate for her patients. She is a good example in this manner and I respect her. She meets the classic definition of a tough nurse with the proverbial heart of gold.
So what is the value of this experience and what is to be learned? I am not sure of that but I will continue to advocate for my patients. I will continue to 'love' my patients (just as this nurse does!) and endeavour to make each one feel special and cared for. It may all be for naught but I think not in my heart of hearts. In the end, I remember that while I have done so much and traveled so far, I still have so much to learn about being a nurse. What is important to me is that I be professional yet retain what makes me who I am and not lose that empathy, concern, passion and respect for those we serve. I do not want to come across as shallow or unmeaning of what I say and do. I have marvelous examples of what being a nurse means and I hope to take away the very best of what each of them as taught me. For that, I will always remain grateful and honored.
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