Oh please, did I write this!

What to do when you are going insane.
Listening to music that keeps you warm inside,
dropping into your head
to keep you out of your mind and into your heart.

wish you were with me cause I've been thinking about you
you don't know me anymore,
and not that you ever have,
and not that you ever did.
But you are sure inside my head like the music I can't keep out.

You keep goin' round and round
you are the perfect girl for me
the one that's in my head

for I've got all your imperfections down you see
I know you inside and out.
You are that song in my head and heart
I know your every verse

You are the song that I sing
when things are going from bad to worse
It's the struggle to make you real I see
that's in my heart and soul

for your heart is the song I'll sing
when I sing for love I yearn for.

Leaving the Ridge

Aloha . . . while it is time to leave my beloved Ridge I find myself more reluctant to do so. It was such an incredibly beautiful day and I was able to get so much done. I mowed the yard and that was difficult as it was so long, thick and wet here and there. I cut down the first of several oak trees and this was the small one of the bunch. An old rose (I believe it is called a Cecil Warner but who knows!) had began to live in this Oak tree and I unfortunately had to take much of it with the tree. As old as it is I am sure it will regenerate and grow afresh once again. Besides, I did not take the whole thing!

Looks like 'my' website is down for now, tried taking a peak at my last post and it will not come up. I installed a couple of network extenders up here (see www.open-mesh.com) and it seems to have made all the difference in signal strength and range. Now all I have to do is replace the electronics that I have lost from PG&E's giant power surge that came through a few months ago. Auwe!

Thanks for reading,

David

elnabaker.com and studio360.org

Aloha, as I sat around the fire tonight, watching the stars, being oh so stunningly obvious introspective man (that was a joke people) I also caught studio360.org on KQUED (88.5). I listened to Elna Baker doing a spot she entitled, 'My Grandmother's Dress'. It was one of the most hauntingly beautiful, hilarious, sad but joyous pieces of radio work I have heard in a long time. Please do yourself a favor and check the piece out at:

http://www.studio360.org/episodes/2008/04/11/segments/96586

You can also check out her website at: www.elnabaker.com

She has some screamingly funny video clips hosted, where else these days but on youtube.com.

Thanks Elna, I'll be keeping up with your career. Thanks to you for a wonderful evening that you did not know you gave as a gift (but hope she knows after she reads all the comments people left at studio360.org)!

Thoughts on the Ridge of Dreams

I am up on my family's Ridge Ranch for a few days. We call it that because it was or perhaps is a Ranch and on Seaview Ridge. More apt to call it a tree farm because we grow coastal Redwoods on our 150 acres of land. Less apt is Seaview since we have no view of the sea unless we cut down many trees on land that we do not lay claim to nor wish to. It is, in fact, Salt Lake State Park land.

The silence and the peace here . . . well . . . it is hard to describe. Yes, one could say it is lonely and 'in the sticks' but if you knew the people here you would not be lonely. It 'feels' lonely at this moment but that is my own melancholy that anchors me to that and anchors, if one is lucky can either be pulled up or the line severed. Used to the din and clamor of life below it takes some time to sink into the meaning of life here, to let it gently cradle you into it, lowering you softly into its welcoming, embracing silence. For its silence is anything but . . . the whooshing flap of the raven's wings, the clicking communications and cawing rap as they wend their way through wind-blown aeries, from redwood to redwood, branch to branch. Then in the distance, there is sometimes the boom and crash of surf and sand . . . and occasionally the whooping bark of a laughing sea lion, fierce and beautiful in its intensity. Through this 'quiet' is the hum of twenty or twenty five hummingbird wings thrumming in ferocious intensity. Under that are the sound of grasshoppers and crickets living their busy lives. As I sink into this I become so aware of my own place in the universe and somehow, more at peace, at least in this single moment.

While the rest of the world in its many places hums with injustice, suffering, anger, violence and more I can be here in my temporary refuge. It can serve as that I think, a place to reconnect, to ponder, think, exist with and without thought. It may be the place where I will die, or hope to die perhaps in what I hope is some distant future! As time passes I become increasingly aware of this fact and that as much as we may pretend to 'own' (and now in this instant that idea is quaint to say the least) the land . . . in truth, it 'owns' us. It will endure beyond this mortal flesh of mine. In Fiji I learned that deep connection and now, I feel it here in this place as I have so often before over the years. Musing upon my own mortality I imagine.

Yet what is this restlessness that drives me? I strive to understand and know, to come to some sort of accommodation with it. A childhood of constant movement, of re adaptation at each new posting, living (and still proud of it in some way for some reason) as an Air Force "Brat". This spoiled me in some way, always a new horizon, forced to get along and be able to get along and make new friends quickly. So I grew up longing for connection, for a sense of community, to 'belong' yet always knowing as a child that I was 'different'. I had seen and done things that others could only imagine and dream about and that some would shirk away from in shock, content to be content.

This restlessness, this hunger for newness, for the horizon yet unseen, the sunrise and set of each new place, the searching for a loved familiar face, this is what drives me to move. To live in a country other than my birthplace, to remain dissatisfied because in the end, I always know that there is so much more to be lived, each and every day of my life.

That is why, coming to this place, I can fall to my knees in wonderment and thankfulness for this blessing, this honor, this realization of how grateful, how lucky and how happy I can be in this moment, in this place.

On paper I am a citizen of the United States. But this idea of nation statehood is what damages us. I see myself as a citizen of the world, a world citizen, call it what you will. The concept derives importance in its articulation and belief in it. Cease the nationalistic jingoism and perhaps we may begin to someday act with the community of people in mind and not the community of nations. Woodrow Wilson's United Nations was a beginning but only that. I fear for what is coming.

Thanks for reading.

David

My Visit to San Quentin Prison

Aloha. A few weeks ago I was able to visit San Quentin Prison near San Francisco. One of the oldest prisons in the United States it was originally started aboard a ship that was anchored offshore. It was built in the 1850's and to this day many parts of it reflect that heritage or time period. I did not take the public tour but rather was escorted by one of the medical personnel - a nurse to be specific. It was one of the most interesting experiences I have had.

By way of a brief background the Prison system in California is under Federal receivership meaning they are subject to Federal oversight and control of the whole system. I will not delineate further here as there are plenty of other much better bloggers with much more and better information that are keeping up with the process.

My own background as a nurse has largely been Medical Surgical nursing and while I would say I have competently taken care of patients I am not a great nurse. I'm striving to be . . . I have excellent rapport, am a good history taker and can take very good care of them on a psychological level. My first love has always been the Emergency Medical System (EMS) since I started in the field as an EMT and than moved into the Emergency Room (ER) as an ER Technician. Of late I have been all over the place looking at how we do medicine in this country - I have visited the Veterans Administration and part of my search was to visit the State correctional system.

Overall what I see (to no great surprise) is an overburdened and underfunded system, at many levels, stretched to the breaking point. I see the patients and staff doing the best that they can but clearly, the Federal Government's priority is keeping America safe by war fighting, combating terrorism and spreading Peace, Freedom and Democracy around the globe. I think that if they continue to ignore the American people that there will be trouble - personally I would like to see a revolution, an overthrow of the conservatives and neoconservatives.

But I digress . . . brief impressions of the medical system at San Quentin. So much to do with so few resources yet they tell me that it has gotten so much better. Unique challenges abound, for example an inmate suffers a heart attack yet locked in a cell, not under direct observation poses a challenge as to getting to them in time to attempt resuscitation.

I did not find it a scary place. I was very respectful and indeed this last week a few guards were stabbed in a riot in Southern California. So things can change in an instant. I am not sure I would wish to work there but I went with the intention of not having a closed mind about it and yes, I would still consider it at this point and I do not even know the benefits and pay. Deep down I believe that all people deserve health care to the best level possible.

I did find myself a bit nervous at times but I never saw so many guards in my life. I would have liked to work a shift and that may still be possible - they are checking into it. I do know that the stress alone of being in the system can lead to major problems in previously healthy people. It was noisy, crowded but also busy with inmates talking, laughing, and just trying to get through there day.

It was an amazing place and I may write more but this post is long enough for now. Thanks for reading, always.

David