Death
Working in the hospital you see people die, good deaths, bad death, different yet the same. It is still hard to see a man die who has no family, who suffered so much, who perhaps knew not much human kindness till his last days and from people in a hospital.
Another death, this time of a close nurse friend who was only 62 years old. Someone said that it was not part of the normal course of life, that we expect something else. No to the first, yes to the second. It is a normal part of life, but we don't want to acknowledge the normalcy of death in one so young. She loved to dance in the ER late at night, a young 62, she taught me so much. It is here that I remember her and in my heart and mind.
California Governor
I did not vote for him but obviously he is an intelligent and motivated man. I am embarassed by California, yet am part of the State for a time. I am embarassed by our National Government, yet am part of it in my small way by my very presence on these shores. What angers and distresses me is the bloody outright and sneering rightousness of the Right, the Fascist, the Fundamentalist. I abhor them and denigrate what they do and thier beliefs. I am about as narrow minded or close minded as they are when I start ranting and raving like this. We are on the road to armegeddon, but not the one that they are preaching about in those unintelligent, stupid, trite and ultimately laughable and ridiculous (is that enough for you?) series of books called Left Behind.
Afternoon Follies
Does Bush and his Gang of Four really think they can spin the war on the American People? Of course they can, we lap it up like starved dogs because we cannot begin to believe we might be wrong in our pigheaded and disgusting headlong rush to own, conquer and sell the World. So we begin now, like Vietnam, a quagmire, body counts mounting, soldiers dying for each other, hoping to make it home alive. Is this what America stands for in the Constitution, our Declaration, our Bill of Rights?
We are betrayed by our leaders, betrayed by those on the right, led down the path to destruction by a minority of zealots who are no better than those they condemn of the same. Yet, all I do is rant and rave, speak out against them. If I go to Iraq on a medical mission (always a do gooder), am I perpetuating the problem? Or am I part of the solution by showing my face and learning to love another country? So our country continues to suffer our own problems yet we must continue to assist Iraq, but we need to leave and let them do their own work while continuing to support and ease the pain.
I must leave, I see no option. I am ashamed to be an American and most of the Americans I know hate what is happening to this country. Yet, in the same breath, I feel most Amerians love what is happening and would say to me, "Get the hell out then! This is America, love it or leave it!" So, Facism reigns paramount when dissent and questions are deemed unpatriotic.
What terrifies me the most? Our President's belief that God is with him and that he has divine inspiration. So did the Crusades and the Grand Inquisitors. In the end our Iraq policy will destroy the Bush Government, let us hope it does not destroy America, at least this time around.
24.8.03
Why we live . . . .
So the big questionl, yes? Why do you do that thing you do? Since that old time immemorial we ask silly things like that. The search for meaning (read Viktor Frankls - Mans Search for Meaning !). Perhaps not a thing matters except the scattered moments of brief clarity, the moment of comfort provided, the instant of a kiss, the promise of love unfulfilled, a hot summer day and the smell of fragrant blackberries, the beginning of healing a broken heart and body. There is so much more and yet, I am miserably unprepared to speak, to write.
So why does one care? So why do you exist? So why do you remain engaged in your life and not remake yourself?
David
So why does one care? So why do you exist? So why do you remain engaged in your life and not remake yourself?
David
16.8.03
Summer's End, Medicine's Beginnings, Voices from the Past
Ahhh . . . the end of summer approaches, my apple trees laden with the fruit of knowledge, the warmth of long summer days lingers in my bones. Most of this summer I was under the spell of chemistry at a local Junior College (sometimes referred to as a Community College in some environs of the United States). Here is a short limerick I composed under some duress as the instructor babbled away in an arcane chemistry incantation (the first line is his!) . . .
Meeses, Mices and Mooses,
I don’t know my ketoses from aldoses.
So please help me to understand,
why chemistry is like quicksand,
and I’m up to my neck in fructoses!
Singularly uninspiring for the average citizen of the State but to those poor souls who have been through the cauldron of Chemistry (especially in a Summer class!), they will appreciate it, perhaps a bit?
Don't get me started on the inefficacy of teaching chemistry in EIGHT weeks . . . the silliness, the inanity, the insanity, the idiocy, the vain assumption that some random, 'itsy', 'bitsy' piece of information will stick. Yes, some of it has, of course.
I begin Nursing school in two days. The culmination of two years of thought, hard work and anticipation. A few days off and a headlong plunge into that world. Wonderful people in the program.
So I have taken the time in the last few days to call friends not spoken to in too long a time. Called Paris, Honolulu, the Big Island and so forth. I still miss Fiji, Hawaii the people I have known. We have a December - January trip planned to the Big Island to see the flow of life from Kiluea to the sea, the City of Refuge. I will take the time to mend my heart and soul as only the land and people there can do to me and someday I hope to give that back. I will sit and have a welcoming kava ceremony and drink to the memory and future of my friends I will simply sit there and exist without thought, to be in the presence of all people whom have touched, affected, taught and existed in my short life.
I am so grateful for all of it.
Malama pono, moce mada,
David
Meeses, Mices and Mooses,
I don’t know my ketoses from aldoses.
So please help me to understand,
why chemistry is like quicksand,
and I’m up to my neck in fructoses!
Singularly uninspiring for the average citizen of the State but to those poor souls who have been through the cauldron of Chemistry (especially in a Summer class!), they will appreciate it, perhaps a bit?
Don't get me started on the inefficacy of teaching chemistry in EIGHT weeks . . . the silliness, the inanity, the insanity, the idiocy, the vain assumption that some random, 'itsy', 'bitsy' piece of information will stick. Yes, some of it has, of course.
I begin Nursing school in two days. The culmination of two years of thought, hard work and anticipation. A few days off and a headlong plunge into that world. Wonderful people in the program.
So I have taken the time in the last few days to call friends not spoken to in too long a time. Called Paris, Honolulu, the Big Island and so forth. I still miss Fiji, Hawaii the people I have known. We have a December - January trip planned to the Big Island to see the flow of life from Kiluea to the sea, the City of Refuge. I will take the time to mend my heart and soul as only the land and people there can do to me and someday I hope to give that back. I will sit and have a welcoming kava ceremony and drink to the memory and future of my friends I will simply sit there and exist without thought, to be in the presence of all people whom have touched, affected, taught and existed in my short life.
I am so grateful for all of it.
Malama pono, moce mada,
David
24.6.03
Return from a 'Medical Misson' in Ensenada, Mexico - a Poem
I returned a week ago from a medical mission in Mexico. This is a poem I wrote to a Doctor and his wife (Thanks, Joel and Marta!) that hosted us and became our friends. My attempt to thank them and to begin to sum up the many feelings and experiences we were so honored to receive. To those of you familiar with Pablo Neruda . . . I hope you sense his influence somewhere in these humble lines!
To Joel & Marta,
I cannot speak your language,
but I feel and recognize the familiar face and language of love,
I have found here in Mexico.
I may not understand your language,
but I have experienced the compassion and forgiveness of Mexico.
I cannot understand what it is to be Hispano,
but you and Mexico continue to teach me the meaning and sacredness of memory.
I am so insignificant.
Like the grain of lonely sand on a beach of glittering stars,
that knows so little, speaks so little, understands so little.
Ah . . . but this grain of sand somehow knows you and this beautiful language you speak.
What we learn here lingers . . . .
past all life and death.
Past distant spinning galaxies,
amid the infinite wash of wave and tide.
My humble gratitude for this sacred gift,
of compassion and culture, of giving and receiving,
of sharing and grace, of redemption.
I may not speak your language,
but now understand at last.
Because of this . . . I am in your debt.
So the endless cycle continues,
we are bound to each other.
Sun to moon,
bee to flower,
ocean to earth,
Dirt to stone,
Friend to Friend.
David McCullough
June 20 2003
Ensenada, B.C., Mexico
Copyright June 2003
To Joel & Marta,
I cannot speak your language,
but I feel and recognize the familiar face and language of love,
I have found here in Mexico.
I may not understand your language,
but I have experienced the compassion and forgiveness of Mexico.
I cannot understand what it is to be Hispano,
but you and Mexico continue to teach me the meaning and sacredness of memory.
I am so insignificant.
Like the grain of lonely sand on a beach of glittering stars,
that knows so little, speaks so little, understands so little.
Ah . . . but this grain of sand somehow knows you and this beautiful language you speak.
What we learn here lingers . . . .
past all life and death.
Past distant spinning galaxies,
amid the infinite wash of wave and tide.
My humble gratitude for this sacred gift,
of compassion and culture, of giving and receiving,
of sharing and grace, of redemption.
I may not speak your language,
but now understand at last.
Because of this . . . I am in your debt.
So the endless cycle continues,
we are bound to each other.
Sun to moon,
bee to flower,
ocean to earth,
Dirt to stone,
Friend to Friend.
David McCullough
June 20 2003
Ensenada, B.C., Mexico
Copyright June 2003
28.5.03
State of the World versus Supporting the United States Military
The following is a response to a friend who took umbrage with my comment that it would be a relief to get out of the United States for awhile while on a medical mission.
I did not say that we should not 'support military people'. My dad served, and I am still a proud air force brat
yet strive for a balanced and informed view.
However, a few points.
Point - I think we could support them by paying and educating them more.
Point - the USA has 5% of the worlds population, yet consumes 33.33% of the worlds resources. We use our military to maintain dominance in the world - so one reason we do so is to maintain our economy. The United States economy is based on constant, ever increasing growth and obviously, it cannot endlessly go up. Our present rate of growth is unsustainable, yet we arrogantly feel that it is our right, our 'sacred' right to do whatever we want precisely because of who we are. Is there so little understanding of why the world perceives the people of the United States as arrogant?
Point - we are one of the smaller nations on the planet population wise (291,090,632 as of today) versus the world population of 6,295,663,364 (as of today at www.census.gov). However, we spend the most money in the world, more than many countries combined on military funding. Is this moral? Is this justifiable? Is it what we want? Is it right? To compare . . . China has 1.2 Billlon people (approximately 1/5 of the world population) yet is 11th on the list of military expenditures. Russia's population is approximately 144 million and they are #2 on the list of military expenditures (we spend Four times the amount of Russia).
Point - we lock up a higher percentage of our population than any other nation on the planet! Is this the America that we want? Is this not a fundamental sign that perhaps, just perhaps the system is failing and we need to address the problem?
Point - we have the highest number of fat (grossly or morbidly obese) people on the planet (more so than any other nation)! This is sickening and is shameful. We are on the path to self destruction.
Point - our eductional system is in disarray and funding is dismal and obscene.
I do not think any of this is moral or just.
Get a copy of Jared Diamond's article in this months (May or June 2003) Harpers Magazine and read it. Every society
that outstrips its resource base (environment and so on and so forth) has failed (read dissolution and absorbtion)
relatively quickly thereafter.
America can stand for some excellent ideals. Yet we seem bent on domination, not only for oil but for ever more
markets to continue our expansion so we can sell ever more 'stuff' and increase our ability to maintain our position
and standard of living at the cost of others.
I want to see an America where every person on the continent (and the world) has health care.
I want to see an America where education is a priority and we support it with the finances it deserves.
I want to see an America that sets limits on the amount of consuming that every person can do.
I want to see more of an equitable balance between the haves and have nots.
I want America to be judged by how much money we spend on other nations, on how much we give to others instead of
keeping for ourselves.
I do not want America to be hated and resented because how we live is destroying the lives of others and the
biospheres capacity to sustain life.
I want to see a world where all have access to a clean and safe water supply (over 1/3 of the worlds population does
not including parts of America - admittedly small).
We are marching down the road to a fundamentalist facism (much the same as in Iran where fundamentalist muslim
clerics are increasingly fascistic). We live in culture of desire, a manufactured desire that never wanes. Many
people seek for spiritual truths yet we are confronted by fundamentalist that, many times, preach hatred and
ostracism instead of harmony between all cultures and people.
I dread for the future of America. It saddens me that we have betrayed some of our espoused and supposed ideals. I am sad over the degradation of our society as the health care system fragments, the environment is assaulted, and our position in the world continues to depend on massive military force projected unilaterally across the globe. In many ways, this could be the beginning of the end, the last gasping, agonal breaths of a nation that has lost its moral compass and is adrift in a morass from which it cannot extract itself.
I do not have all the answers. To govern a nation is a terrible thing . . . of great beauty, frustration, power and
responsibility. Yet I fear for the future of America and of the capability we have to destroy that which so many
have worked for. I fear for the people of all nations, of all countries, no matter thier political borders.
I have not reviewed this so it may not be the most eloquently written. Please forgive me for that as I think you
know I write this out of concern and yes, even patriotism.
The time of separate nation states must come to an end, for if not, I fear for the survival of the planet.
Indeed, I think it is already too late and most of the time, I struggle for optimism. Yet I shall not abandon
whatever small struggle I am engaged in. However, I do not believe that simplistic pap about healing the world one
little bit at a time. I do believe in the attempt, the sacred duty we have to others and to the planet that we call
home.
I did not say that we should not 'support military people'. My dad served, and I am still a proud air force brat
yet strive for a balanced and informed view.
However, a few points.
Point - I think we could support them by paying and educating them more.
Point - the USA has 5% of the worlds population, yet consumes 33.33% of the worlds resources. We use our military to maintain dominance in the world - so one reason we do so is to maintain our economy. The United States economy is based on constant, ever increasing growth and obviously, it cannot endlessly go up. Our present rate of growth is unsustainable, yet we arrogantly feel that it is our right, our 'sacred' right to do whatever we want precisely because of who we are. Is there so little understanding of why the world perceives the people of the United States as arrogant?
Point - we are one of the smaller nations on the planet population wise (291,090,632 as of today) versus the world population of 6,295,663,364 (as of today at www.census.gov). However, we spend the most money in the world, more than many countries combined on military funding. Is this moral? Is this justifiable? Is it what we want? Is it right? To compare . . . China has 1.2 Billlon people (approximately 1/5 of the world population) yet is 11th on the list of military expenditures. Russia's population is approximately 144 million and they are #2 on the list of military expenditures (we spend Four times the amount of Russia).
Point - we lock up a higher percentage of our population than any other nation on the planet! Is this the America that we want? Is this not a fundamental sign that perhaps, just perhaps the system is failing and we need to address the problem?
Point - we have the highest number of fat (grossly or morbidly obese) people on the planet (more so than any other nation)! This is sickening and is shameful. We are on the path to self destruction.
Point - our eductional system is in disarray and funding is dismal and obscene.
I do not think any of this is moral or just.
Get a copy of Jared Diamond's article in this months (May or June 2003) Harpers Magazine and read it. Every society
that outstrips its resource base (environment and so on and so forth) has failed (read dissolution and absorbtion)
relatively quickly thereafter.
America can stand for some excellent ideals. Yet we seem bent on domination, not only for oil but for ever more
markets to continue our expansion so we can sell ever more 'stuff' and increase our ability to maintain our position
and standard of living at the cost of others.
I want to see an America where every person on the continent (and the world) has health care.
I want to see an America where education is a priority and we support it with the finances it deserves.
I want to see an America that sets limits on the amount of consuming that every person can do.
I want to see more of an equitable balance between the haves and have nots.
I want America to be judged by how much money we spend on other nations, on how much we give to others instead of
keeping for ourselves.
I do not want America to be hated and resented because how we live is destroying the lives of others and the
biospheres capacity to sustain life.
I want to see a world where all have access to a clean and safe water supply (over 1/3 of the worlds population does
not including parts of America - admittedly small).
We are marching down the road to a fundamentalist facism (much the same as in Iran where fundamentalist muslim
clerics are increasingly fascistic). We live in culture of desire, a manufactured desire that never wanes. Many
people seek for spiritual truths yet we are confronted by fundamentalist that, many times, preach hatred and
ostracism instead of harmony between all cultures and people.
I dread for the future of America. It saddens me that we have betrayed some of our espoused and supposed ideals. I am sad over the degradation of our society as the health care system fragments, the environment is assaulted, and our position in the world continues to depend on massive military force projected unilaterally across the globe. In many ways, this could be the beginning of the end, the last gasping, agonal breaths of a nation that has lost its moral compass and is adrift in a morass from which it cannot extract itself.
I do not have all the answers. To govern a nation is a terrible thing . . . of great beauty, frustration, power and
responsibility. Yet I fear for the future of America and of the capability we have to destroy that which so many
have worked for. I fear for the people of all nations, of all countries, no matter thier political borders.
I have not reviewed this so it may not be the most eloquently written. Please forgive me for that as I think you
know I write this out of concern and yes, even patriotism.
The time of separate nation states must come to an end, for if not, I fear for the survival of the planet.
Indeed, I think it is already too late and most of the time, I struggle for optimism. Yet I shall not abandon
whatever small struggle I am engaged in. However, I do not believe that simplistic pap about healing the world one
little bit at a time. I do believe in the attempt, the sacred duty we have to others and to the planet that we call
home.
29.3.03
Aloha . . . tonight I am frustrated and angry at the current state of affairs, specifically the war the United States is prosecuting against Iraq. I consider it an unjust war (leaving open the inevitable question whether there is ever a just war) and am sickened, saddened and ashamed of the United States and its citizens. So what will I do? What can I do?
I wrote to www.refugeerelief.org (again, I have been in touch with them in the past). They are a bunch of 'go to' (to use an American colloquialism) guys whom I would proud to serve with. They engage in medical relief missions - thier website explains it well. I hope to be able to go in June 2003 when I am available. I need to go for my own sanity - getting tired of sitting on my butt in the white suburbs eathing my food, drinking my beer doing nothing to benefit anyone in the long run. Maybe getting back into the world will help.
In the end though, it is for me anyway. Oh sure, we may help a few people here and there, but really, how much can be done against a war that is going to rip through 100 billion dollars in six months. By god, I am against this war and I hate George Bush and somehow, somewhere, I am going to to what I can to fight against his simplistic, zealous, stupid schmuck idiocy. He nor hardly any of his advisers have even been out of the country. Most of them have no other language except English.
Get Colin Powell to be my President. I will work for him, I will vote for him. I may not like him as much as I do others but at least this guy isn't some good ole, aw shucks, lets nuke em asshole that Rumsfeld is. Even more dangerous is good old Wolfie Wolfowitz who in the 1980's authored a paper pleading for the American empire to (I am paraphrasing here) take over the world. Good deal huh? So we can sell more products I guess.
If anyone does ever read this please check out: http://dearraed.blogspot.com
I read about this person through Googles news site link and found it fascinating reading.
I don't want to see the USA die. We stand (supposedly) for some great ideas. We are just lousy at the execution. Our leaders betray us and betray the long term survival of the United States as a nation, as a beacon of hope for repressed peoples . . . but I will never forget this and neither should anyone; that I can only write this because of my privilaged position as a U.S. citizen. However, it is because of this that I have (or hope to have and maintain) a dedication to show a different face to the world and to somehow fight the good fight, engage in the struggle for tolerance, peace and all that other liberal crap I espouse. In the end, it won't do any bloody good, humans are too stupid and selfish en masse.
For now though, at this moment, I go to put the sweetest 12 year old girl I know to bed, to tuck her in and kiss her goodnight and sweet dreams (and pray I don't dream of dead people in my own dreams that haunt me from the ER, from the reading, from the television). How I long to protect her yet instill some sense of justice and duty. Thank god I can go to her, her beautiful mother, and forget, if just for a little while the horrifying tenor and cadence of death and disaster being sowed in Iraq. I will think of the Iraqi's tonight and hope for safety and peace for them and the soldiers that fight on both sides. I must remember compassion.
Thanks for reading this.
David
tuisuva@jps.net
I wrote to www.refugeerelief.org (again, I have been in touch with them in the past). They are a bunch of 'go to' (to use an American colloquialism) guys whom I would proud to serve with. They engage in medical relief missions - thier website explains it well. I hope to be able to go in June 2003 when I am available. I need to go for my own sanity - getting tired of sitting on my butt in the white suburbs eathing my food, drinking my beer doing nothing to benefit anyone in the long run. Maybe getting back into the world will help.
In the end though, it is for me anyway. Oh sure, we may help a few people here and there, but really, how much can be done against a war that is going to rip through 100 billion dollars in six months. By god, I am against this war and I hate George Bush and somehow, somewhere, I am going to to what I can to fight against his simplistic, zealous, stupid schmuck idiocy. He nor hardly any of his advisers have even been out of the country. Most of them have no other language except English.
Get Colin Powell to be my President. I will work for him, I will vote for him. I may not like him as much as I do others but at least this guy isn't some good ole, aw shucks, lets nuke em asshole that Rumsfeld is. Even more dangerous is good old Wolfie Wolfowitz who in the 1980's authored a paper pleading for the American empire to (I am paraphrasing here) take over the world. Good deal huh? So we can sell more products I guess.
If anyone does ever read this please check out: http://dearraed.blogspot.com
I read about this person through Googles news site link and found it fascinating reading.
I don't want to see the USA die. We stand (supposedly) for some great ideas. We are just lousy at the execution. Our leaders betray us and betray the long term survival of the United States as a nation, as a beacon of hope for repressed peoples . . . but I will never forget this and neither should anyone; that I can only write this because of my privilaged position as a U.S. citizen. However, it is because of this that I have (or hope to have and maintain) a dedication to show a different face to the world and to somehow fight the good fight, engage in the struggle for tolerance, peace and all that other liberal crap I espouse. In the end, it won't do any bloody good, humans are too stupid and selfish en masse.
For now though, at this moment, I go to put the sweetest 12 year old girl I know to bed, to tuck her in and kiss her goodnight and sweet dreams (and pray I don't dream of dead people in my own dreams that haunt me from the ER, from the reading, from the television). How I long to protect her yet instill some sense of justice and duty. Thank god I can go to her, her beautiful mother, and forget, if just for a little while the horrifying tenor and cadence of death and disaster being sowed in Iraq. I will think of the Iraqi's tonight and hope for safety and peace for them and the soldiers that fight on both sides. I must remember compassion.
Thanks for reading this.
David
tuisuva@jps.net
Remembering compassion
Aloha . . . tonight I am frustrated and angry at the current state of affairs, specifically the war the United States is prosecuting against Iraq. I consider it an unjust war (leaving open the inevitable question whether there is ever a just war) and am sickened, saddened and ashamed of the United States and its citizens. So what will I do? What can I do?
I wrote to www.refugeerelief.org (again, I have been in touch with them in the past). They are a bunch of 'go to' (to use an American colloquialism) guys whom I would proud to serve with. They engage in medical relief missions - thier website explains it well. I hope to be able to go in June 2003 when I am available. I need to go for my own sanity - getting tired of sitting on my butt in the white suburbs eating my food, drinking my beer doing nothing to benefit anyone in the long run. Maybe getting back into the world will help.
In the end though, at least I am smart enough that doing relief / medical work is for me anyway, it is largely a selfish enterprise so I can feel better about myself and just maybe my guilt about being an American. Oh sure, we may help a few people here and there, but really, how much can be done against a war that is going to rip through 100 billion dollars in six months. By god, I am against this war and I hate George Bush and somehow, somewhere, I am going to to what I can to fight against his simplistic, zealous, stupid schmuck idiocy. He nor hardly any of his advisers have even been out of the country. Most of them have no other language except English.
Get Colin Powell to be my President. I will work for him, I will vote for him. I may not like him as much as I do others but at least this guy isn't some good ole, aw shucks, lets nuke em asshole that Rumsfeld is. Even more dangerous is good old Wolfie Wolfowitz who in the 1980's authored a paper pleading for the American empire to (I am paraphrasing here) take over the world. Good deal huh? So we can sell more products I guess.
If anyone does ever read this please check out: http://dearraed.blogspot.com
I read about this person through Googles news site link and found it fascinating reading.
I don't want to see the USA die. We stand (supposedly) for some great ideas. We are just lousy at the execution. Our leaders betray us and betray the long term survival of the United States as a nation, as a beacon of hope for repressed peoples . . . but I will never forget this and neither should anyone; that I can only write this because of my privilaged position as a U.S. citizen. However, it is because of this that I have (or hope to have and maintain) a dedication to show a different face to the world and to somehow fight the good fight, engage in the struggle for tolerance, peace and all that other liberal crap I espouse. In the end, it won't do any bloody good, humans are too stupid and selfish en masse.
For now though, at this moment, I go to put the sweetest 12 year old girl I know to bed, to tuck her in and kiss her goodnight and sweet dreams (and pray I don't dream of dead people in my own dreams that haunt me from the ER, from the reading, from the television). How I long to protect her yet instill some sense of justice and duty. Thank god I can go to her, her beautiful mother, and forget, if just for a little while the horrifying tenor and cadence of death and disaster being sowed in Iraq. I will think of the Iraqi's tonight and hope for safety and peace for them and the soldiers that fight on both sides. I must remember compassion.
Thanks for reading this.
David
tuisuva@jps.net
I wrote to www.refugeerelief.org (again, I have been in touch with them in the past). They are a bunch of 'go to' (to use an American colloquialism) guys whom I would proud to serve with. They engage in medical relief missions - thier website explains it well. I hope to be able to go in June 2003 when I am available. I need to go for my own sanity - getting tired of sitting on my butt in the white suburbs eating my food, drinking my beer doing nothing to benefit anyone in the long run. Maybe getting back into the world will help.
In the end though, at least I am smart enough that doing relief / medical work is for me anyway, it is largely a selfish enterprise so I can feel better about myself and just maybe my guilt about being an American. Oh sure, we may help a few people here and there, but really, how much can be done against a war that is going to rip through 100 billion dollars in six months. By god, I am against this war and I hate George Bush and somehow, somewhere, I am going to to what I can to fight against his simplistic, zealous, stupid schmuck idiocy. He nor hardly any of his advisers have even been out of the country. Most of them have no other language except English.
Get Colin Powell to be my President. I will work for him, I will vote for him. I may not like him as much as I do others but at least this guy isn't some good ole, aw shucks, lets nuke em asshole that Rumsfeld is. Even more dangerous is good old Wolfie Wolfowitz who in the 1980's authored a paper pleading for the American empire to (I am paraphrasing here) take over the world. Good deal huh? So we can sell more products I guess.
If anyone does ever read this please check out: http://dearraed.blogspot.com
I read about this person through Googles news site link and found it fascinating reading.
I don't want to see the USA die. We stand (supposedly) for some great ideas. We are just lousy at the execution. Our leaders betray us and betray the long term survival of the United States as a nation, as a beacon of hope for repressed peoples . . . but I will never forget this and neither should anyone; that I can only write this because of my privilaged position as a U.S. citizen. However, it is because of this that I have (or hope to have and maintain) a dedication to show a different face to the world and to somehow fight the good fight, engage in the struggle for tolerance, peace and all that other liberal crap I espouse. In the end, it won't do any bloody good, humans are too stupid and selfish en masse.
For now though, at this moment, I go to put the sweetest 12 year old girl I know to bed, to tuck her in and kiss her goodnight and sweet dreams (and pray I don't dream of dead people in my own dreams that haunt me from the ER, from the reading, from the television). How I long to protect her yet instill some sense of justice and duty. Thank god I can go to her, her beautiful mother, and forget, if just for a little while the horrifying tenor and cadence of death and disaster being sowed in Iraq. I will think of the Iraqi's tonight and hope for safety and peace for them and the soldiers that fight on both sides. I must remember compassion.
Thanks for reading this.
David
tuisuva@jps.net
16.3.03
Aloha . . . I am currently acting in a production of The Laramie Project. It is staged at Santa Rosa Junior College in Northern California. For me, it raises the whole idea or question that I think many of us should be asking of ourselves. What do we want to contribute to society? This has the implicit assumption that we should or want to contribute and that in and of itself, it is a good thing to do so. So what, as an actor do I want to contribute? Why be an actor at all? What do actors contribute to society that improves it and makes it better?
For the most part, I don't think much. Most actors do what they need to survive. Most of us cannot do shows like The Laramie Project when there is no money involved. I am lucky to be able to do a show like this. Very lucky.
Can an actor go from being a piece of fruit in an underwear commercial to doing Brecht, Shakespeare, Ionescue and still be taken seriously? I do not know but I suspect perhaps not.
Don't we, as members of society, have a duty to do 'serious' theater? At least once in awhile so we can prick the balloon of "everything is ok in the world so lets just laugh our way to hell"! At the same time and in the same breath, I would give a lot to work with Steve Martin on just about anything. I am corruptible, offer me enough money and I might reconsider . . . or would I? Could I use the age old excuse of saying, let me sell out now, make the money and spend it later to salve my conscience! I don't know for sure but I hope not and don't think I would.
Special hello to my Hawai'i gang. It was great to talk with Jim Hesse the other night at 1 a.m. in California while I was slaving away on cultures for my bacteriology lab. A long way from home and a long way from a bunch of very wonderful people.
Aloha
For the most part, I don't think much. Most actors do what they need to survive. Most of us cannot do shows like The Laramie Project when there is no money involved. I am lucky to be able to do a show like this. Very lucky.
Can an actor go from being a piece of fruit in an underwear commercial to doing Brecht, Shakespeare, Ionescue and still be taken seriously? I do not know but I suspect perhaps not.
Don't we, as members of society, have a duty to do 'serious' theater? At least once in awhile so we can prick the balloon of "everything is ok in the world so lets just laugh our way to hell"! At the same time and in the same breath, I would give a lot to work with Steve Martin on just about anything. I am corruptible, offer me enough money and I might reconsider . . . or would I? Could I use the age old excuse of saying, let me sell out now, make the money and spend it later to salve my conscience! I don't know for sure but I hope not and don't think I would.
Special hello to my Hawai'i gang. It was great to talk with Jim Hesse the other night at 1 a.m. in California while I was slaving away on cultures for my bacteriology lab. A long way from home and a long way from a bunch of very wonderful people.
Aloha
20.2.03
Aloha,
Called a group named the good Samaritans today, basically a group of flyers and docs who go down to Baja Mexico and do medical work on the weekends. Personally I think it sounds great unless you crash and burn which could screw up anybody's day once you get down to it. Still, the chance to do some medicine, eat good food and maybe see some warm water for once? Yeah, let me at it baby.
So U.C. Davis saw fit to reject my application to the Physican Assistant program for this year. A small entering class and another 40% cut on top of that (Thank you Governor Gray Davis and the Senators and Assemblypeople of the State of California. This may just get me mad enough to run for State office someday so I can put my big mouth on the bloody line instead of just shooting it off. At any rate, the alternate (note the decided nonuse of the word, 'backup'!) plan is a Bachelor of Science in Nursing. I am working on the application now. If the university gets it together and thebudget is available there may be an accelerated Masters of Science in Nursing I could get through in one year.
Meanwhile I hate the Northern California winter and the incredibly wishy washy new age crap that gets espoused here. I did not understand when I was at UCLA. Now, thank god after years out of the country, I now know and understand. These people are so incredibly spoiled they have the time to indulge themselves in a frenzy of intellectural and spiritual masturbation. Hell, I am guilty of it too, look upon these pages those who doubt my words! My hope is I will actually DO something about it like I have in the past.
I still mourn leaving Hawaii. Being here for my dad as he lay dying was good, the right thing to do but I left Hawai'i so fast. I miss my home. For me it was home and I still feel no kinship with this place. My whole life has always been moving in some way but Hawai'i . . . despite its problems and dominance by the Haoles (people looking like me brah!) is still a wonderful, warm, deeply spiritual (not the Northern California fake spirituality crap), welcoming place (as long as you are sensitive that the white folks have no business being there and need to shut up and act like the guest they are!
It is late and I am about to lapse into incoherency once again. I long for the islands, not just Hawaii but Fiji, Tonga, Rarotonga and on. I remain in America because of an incredibly loving, beautiful woman and her incredibly beautiful and loving daughter.
I had something deemed hurtful, insensitive and offensive here so this last paragraph was edited for content.
Malama pono, a hui hou. Moce mada, dua na siqa.
Tevita, Kawika, David
Called a group named the good Samaritans today, basically a group of flyers and docs who go down to Baja Mexico and do medical work on the weekends. Personally I think it sounds great unless you crash and burn which could screw up anybody's day once you get down to it. Still, the chance to do some medicine, eat good food and maybe see some warm water for once? Yeah, let me at it baby.
So U.C. Davis saw fit to reject my application to the Physican Assistant program for this year. A small entering class and another 40% cut on top of that (Thank you Governor Gray Davis and the Senators and Assemblypeople of the State of California. This may just get me mad enough to run for State office someday so I can put my big mouth on the bloody line instead of just shooting it off. At any rate, the alternate (note the decided nonuse of the word, 'backup'!) plan is a Bachelor of Science in Nursing. I am working on the application now. If the university gets it together and thebudget is available there may be an accelerated Masters of Science in Nursing I could get through in one year.
Meanwhile I hate the Northern California winter and the incredibly wishy washy new age crap that gets espoused here. I did not understand when I was at UCLA. Now, thank god after years out of the country, I now know and understand. These people are so incredibly spoiled they have the time to indulge themselves in a frenzy of intellectural and spiritual masturbation. Hell, I am guilty of it too, look upon these pages those who doubt my words! My hope is I will actually DO something about it like I have in the past.
I still mourn leaving Hawaii. Being here for my dad as he lay dying was good, the right thing to do but I left Hawai'i so fast. I miss my home. For me it was home and I still feel no kinship with this place. My whole life has always been moving in some way but Hawai'i . . . despite its problems and dominance by the Haoles (people looking like me brah!) is still a wonderful, warm, deeply spiritual (not the Northern California fake spirituality crap), welcoming place (as long as you are sensitive that the white folks have no business being there and need to shut up and act like the guest they are!
It is late and I am about to lapse into incoherency once again. I long for the islands, not just Hawaii but Fiji, Tonga, Rarotonga and on. I remain in America because of an incredibly loving, beautiful woman and her incredibly beautiful and loving daughter.
I had something deemed hurtful, insensitive and offensive here so this last paragraph was edited for content.
Malama pono, a hui hou. Moce mada, dua na siqa.
Tevita, Kawika, David
3.2.03
Aloha . . .
People who want to make a difference should get smaller dwellings, ship excess materials like the
gold chandeliers to the 'poor starving people' overseas so they can at least have better lighting while
they slowly expire from AIDS, a lack of clean water, lack of clean food and a lack of caring by the
rest of the world. I look in the mirror every day (well, at least a few times a week) and think to
myself, Ok pal, what the ______ are you doing besides whining like a jerk? The answer is
not goddamn much at all.
So when I get done with school, if I don't just get overseas again (and I hope to god
somehow and someday I will!), if I buy a car I will get a hybrid or at least a four cylinder, I
will try to not own as much stuff, I will convert a house (if I ever own one) to solar and
have it feed back into the grid and whatever else I can.
Yo! Where did all that spring from! Sorry to rant and rave but this huge deal about
seven dead people pisses me off! I honor them but wonder about the thousands dying
every day because of people like me. The Columbia astronauts knew the danger, they
would not call themselves heros but simply people doing the job they were trained for.
Firefighters are not heros. They do thier job as told and as trained to do whether we
are volunteers or paid. In the Emergency Department we do our jobs to the
best of our ability.
We should mourn those who die because of our inaction, we should not only mourn
but take mindful action with great purpose and direction aimed at alleviating suffering
and injustice no matter where it resides.
Remember, self hatred is good . . . to an extent.
People who want to make a difference should get smaller dwellings, ship excess materials like the
gold chandeliers to the 'poor starving people' overseas so they can at least have better lighting while
they slowly expire from AIDS, a lack of clean water, lack of clean food and a lack of caring by the
rest of the world. I look in the mirror every day (well, at least a few times a week) and think to
myself, Ok pal, what the ______ are you doing besides whining like a jerk? The answer is
not goddamn much at all.
So when I get done with school, if I don't just get overseas again (and I hope to god
somehow and someday I will!), if I buy a car I will get a hybrid or at least a four cylinder, I
will try to not own as much stuff, I will convert a house (if I ever own one) to solar and
have it feed back into the grid and whatever else I can.
Yo! Where did all that spring from! Sorry to rant and rave but this huge deal about
seven dead people pisses me off! I honor them but wonder about the thousands dying
every day because of people like me. The Columbia astronauts knew the danger, they
would not call themselves heros but simply people doing the job they were trained for.
Firefighters are not heros. They do thier job as told and as trained to do whether we
are volunteers or paid. In the Emergency Department we do our jobs to the
best of our ability.
We should mourn those who die because of our inaction, we should not only mourn
but take mindful action with great purpose and direction aimed at alleviating suffering
and injustice no matter where it resides.
Remember, self hatred is good . . . to an extent.
24.1.03
I went on the Peace March in San Francisco last week. I could not help but think it was a wasted gesture. I heard an organizer of the march say on KQED (San Francisco's Public Radio station) that the " . . . White House was reeling . . . " . That was the most inane, stupid and illogical remark I have heard in a long time. She obviously has not spent any time in the Federal Government or the White House. Bush could care less and no one was 'reeling' from a few yahoos marching for peace.
Want to make a difference? Give up one of your cars. Don't consume so much stuff. Volunteer a few hours a week to those who need help. Go on working vacations to developing nations. Don't be a pig when you eat. Develop a conscience for your sake and others. Commute on a bicycle.
In short (and as we all know), talk is cheap. I sure as hell need to do more. I knew of my brothers neighbor who drive very expensive gas guzzler cars and they march down to the peace demonstration. So get on those moral high horses people but don't change your life - it is just too inconvenient.
Want to make a difference? Give up one of your cars. Don't consume so much stuff. Volunteer a few hours a week to those who need help. Go on working vacations to developing nations. Don't be a pig when you eat. Develop a conscience for your sake and others. Commute on a bicycle.
In short (and as we all know), talk is cheap. I sure as hell need to do more. I knew of my brothers neighbor who drive very expensive gas guzzler cars and they march down to the peace demonstration. So get on those moral high horses people but don't change your life - it is just too inconvenient.
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